Maybe?
My friends Hope and Zach came for a visit last week. It was a really good time. We talked through our hopes for the next few years, which usually always came back to us moving to Hawaii for a short time. On Sunday in church Lizzie shared her fears of living outside of Gods will, which perked my ever present desire to know Gods will for my life. Our pastor went on to explain how its easier to know when your out of Gods will then when your in Gods will. To be honest It kind of frustrates me that I can't know Gods will ahead of time. Maybe its just me, but I don't feel like I get answers to questions like "What do I do next"? When I think about this (at least in my own life) I feel that God somehow wants me to make mistakes, that if He Isn't telling me ahead of time what to do, I'm left to make a choice. I have a feeling that if I was more in tune with God, by clearing my schedule of things that don't matter (a list that continues to grow) and actually spending time with the one who created me, maybe these choices I have to make would be affected by the Holy Spirit that lives in me. It's not that I think the Holy Spirit is not working with me in my current state, but maybe I'm not listening. These issues of hearing God, and knowing Gods will, perked from Hope and Zachs visit and Sundays sermon, have made for some interesting couple of days. On Monday morning I went into higher ground coffee shop to waste some time on the internet. Waste being the keyword. I sat down at my table with my coffee and the computer and felt like it was gonna be a good day. I reached for the coffee and I spilt it on the table and the computer. I didn't think much got on it but, It no longer works, so what do I know. Needless to say because my computer broke, I reached for my book Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. The chapter I was on talked about how God works outside of time, that for us what we call 1970 or today or tommorow are actually what God calls "now". This is a crazy concept to think about, but I feel like I experienced this same day. Later as I sat at home, Lizzie went to bed, and usually this would be the time that I waste on fantasy basketball, or looking for new music, but I had no computer. So I sat on my futon and relaxed and prayed shortly that I could hear and know God better, then I just listened. I didn't hear anything. I'm starting to think that God gave me a hint that night, I think that God answered my prayer before I even asked it, I think that God somehow caused my computer to stop work. Maybe I wasn't hearing Him because I didn't take the time to listen. It's crazy to think that If my computer hadn't broke that morning I may have never made the time to pray that prayer. I obiviously cannot say it was God for sure, but i hope it was.
My thoughts today
My year in pine ridge has been amazing, so many things have happened that I wouldn't have ever imagined. First one being, Lizzie getting pregnant. (crazy) Going in to this year it apppeared as if there was so many things going on and I worried I would be to busy with all that people could use me for. Today I am sitting in Higher ground
http://www.pineridgegospel.org/higherground/abouthg.htm
and thinking about how my perception of the "work" I do everyday has changed. On monday mornings I work in a empty office where I answer phones (probably five times all year) usually I spend a couple hours on the internet, and then I read.( I related my monday mornings to LOST. It's like I am pushing this button because I think its important to someone, but others may say it won't make a difference if I go or not)either way It's a good morning. On monday nights I am at the boys dorm in Pine Ridge. I have always viewed my monday nights as purely relational. We do arts and craft things but thats not what I enjoy. I enjoy hanging out before and after craft time and watching the boys play video games,(usually grand theft auto), and try to convince them to stop at every intersection, or see how long they can go without killing anyone. Or we argue endlessly about whether I am gay or not. I think because I try to tell the boys not to hit each other (which happens ALL THE TIME) and to love each other instead. Usually then the brokeback jokes come. Homosexuality on the rez is a weird issue, partly because I believe it's prevalent, but it is joked about and seen as a terrible thing, by ALL ages. (Sounds like another people group I know) It almost feels like the worst thing a person could do/be. Anyway I don't know enough about it to tell anyone anymore than I just did. On tuesdays I work at 555. It's a thrift store which always has busy work for us to do. I have started to spend less time inside, and more time sitting on the front steps with the Boys (as they call themselves) I have some of the most interesting conversations with the boys out front (the same boys I last blogged about.) On Wednesday night I "work" with Younglife. It usually entails three games of knockout then a short message, then a glass of juice and a few games. I think having something for the kids to do in Pine Ridge is great. It is a hard "job" for me because kids come and go from week to week, and I haven't been able to get to know many of them very well. On friday mornings I work with Partnership for housing. There are two ladies who work their, Pinky and Rosemarie, who are awesome. Usually I just do busy work for them as well, but the thing that I really like about my friday mornings is hanging out with them. They remind me alot of my Grandmother. They love to give me stuff, almost every friday I leave with my arms full, either with clothes or blankets or food or toothpaste. I am very glad to have the opportunity to work there. In a few weeks we have college students coming on a week long mission trip, (I want to interject a sarcastic theological comment here, because I feel like there is one, but I just don't know it) so when I think about the work that I do, and how they can join me with that I am worried that it might not "translate" into a week long trip, It takes a long time to gain peoples trust and respect, and if they just spend one day on the steps of 555 will they take anything from that? or will they just want to "witness" , so they feel like they did something. I don't know what the point of all this is, I guess it's just a glimpse into my current stream of thought. I haven't summed up how my perception of work has changed, so maybe I shouldn't have said thats what this blog was gonna be about, anyway PEACE!
http://www.pineridgegospel.org/higherground/abouthg.htm
and thinking about how my perception of the "work" I do everyday has changed. On monday mornings I work in a empty office where I answer phones (probably five times all year) usually I spend a couple hours on the internet, and then I read.( I related my monday mornings to LOST. It's like I am pushing this button because I think its important to someone, but others may say it won't make a difference if I go or not)either way It's a good morning. On monday nights I am at the boys dorm in Pine Ridge. I have always viewed my monday nights as purely relational. We do arts and craft things but thats not what I enjoy. I enjoy hanging out before and after craft time and watching the boys play video games,(usually grand theft auto), and try to convince them to stop at every intersection, or see how long they can go without killing anyone. Or we argue endlessly about whether I am gay or not. I think because I try to tell the boys not to hit each other (which happens ALL THE TIME) and to love each other instead. Usually then the brokeback jokes come. Homosexuality on the rez is a weird issue, partly because I believe it's prevalent, but it is joked about and seen as a terrible thing, by ALL ages. (Sounds like another people group I know) It almost feels like the worst thing a person could do/be. Anyway I don't know enough about it to tell anyone anymore than I just did. On tuesdays I work at 555. It's a thrift store which always has busy work for us to do. I have started to spend less time inside, and more time sitting on the front steps with the Boys (as they call themselves) I have some of the most interesting conversations with the boys out front (the same boys I last blogged about.) On Wednesday night I "work" with Younglife. It usually entails three games of knockout then a short message, then a glass of juice and a few games. I think having something for the kids to do in Pine Ridge is great. It is a hard "job" for me because kids come and go from week to week, and I haven't been able to get to know many of them very well. On friday mornings I work with Partnership for housing. There are two ladies who work their, Pinky and Rosemarie, who are awesome. Usually I just do busy work for them as well, but the thing that I really like about my friday mornings is hanging out with them. They remind me alot of my Grandmother. They love to give me stuff, almost every friday I leave with my arms full, either with clothes or blankets or food or toothpaste. I am very glad to have the opportunity to work there. In a few weeks we have college students coming on a week long mission trip, (I want to interject a sarcastic theological comment here, because I feel like there is one, but I just don't know it) so when I think about the work that I do, and how they can join me with that I am worried that it might not "translate" into a week long trip, It takes a long time to gain peoples trust and respect, and if they just spend one day on the steps of 555 will they take anything from that? or will they just want to "witness" , so they feel like they did something. I don't know what the point of all this is, I guess it's just a glimpse into my current stream of thought. I haven't summed up how my perception of work has changed, so maybe I shouldn't have said thats what this blog was gonna be about, anyway PEACE!
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