Maybe?
My friends Hope and Zach came for a visit last week. It was a really good time. We talked through our hopes for the next few years, which usually always came back to us moving to Hawaii for a short time. On Sunday in church Lizzie shared her fears of living outside of Gods will, which perked my ever present desire to know Gods will for my life. Our pastor went on to explain how its easier to know when your out of Gods will then when your in Gods will. To be honest It kind of frustrates me that I can't know Gods will ahead of time. Maybe its just me, but I don't feel like I get answers to questions like "What do I do next"? When I think about this (at least in my own life) I feel that God somehow wants me to make mistakes, that if He Isn't telling me ahead of time what to do, I'm left to make a choice. I have a feeling that if I was more in tune with God, by clearing my schedule of things that don't matter (a list that continues to grow) and actually spending time with the one who created me, maybe these choices I have to make would be affected by the Holy Spirit that lives in me. It's not that I think the Holy Spirit is not working with me in my current state, but maybe I'm not listening. These issues of hearing God, and knowing Gods will, perked from Hope and Zachs visit and Sundays sermon, have made for some interesting couple of days. On Monday morning I went into higher ground coffee shop to waste some time on the internet. Waste being the keyword. I sat down at my table with my coffee and the computer and felt like it was gonna be a good day. I reached for the coffee and I spilt it on the table and the computer. I didn't think much got on it but, It no longer works, so what do I know. Needless to say because my computer broke, I reached for my book Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. The chapter I was on talked about how God works outside of time, that for us what we call 1970 or today or tommorow are actually what God calls "now". This is a crazy concept to think about, but I feel like I experienced this same day. Later as I sat at home, Lizzie went to bed, and usually this would be the time that I waste on fantasy basketball, or looking for new music, but I had no computer. So I sat on my futon and relaxed and prayed shortly that I could hear and know God better, then I just listened. I didn't hear anything. I'm starting to think that God gave me a hint that night, I think that God answered my prayer before I even asked it, I think that God somehow caused my computer to stop work. Maybe I wasn't hearing Him because I didn't take the time to listen. It's crazy to think that If my computer hadn't broke that morning I may have never made the time to pray that prayer. I obiviously cannot say it was God for sure, but i hope it was.
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A few thoughts Jacob.
It makes me think of when I first moved to Minnesota, no job, no place to live, no idea, just thought God had me here. I soon accepted a job offer, while sick, as an IT intern. It was the worst 6-8 weeks, 12 hours a day working for free. Finally with my dad's encouragement, I quit. I thought, God why did you let me waste my time there. I soon was hired as a youth pastor. After being there for about a year, YouthWorks came knocking, asking me if I wanted to be the new IT man. There is no way that I would be at my job unless I took that internship and learned what I needed to know to get started at YouthWorks. Funny how I thought it was wasted time. Funny how God views time and our interactions differently. The world throws the "career" agenda, God has a Kingdom agenda that we told Him (pardon the masculine word there) we would participate heavily in. It is why we're here.
Second, it makes me think of a friend of mine. He was/maybe still is going through this same dilemma. He finally just decided that Christians are called to be just that, Christians, and that's it. We are called to be Christ-like, and everything that God wants from us can be found in the Bible. Be kind, give, be gentle, share Christ, etc. I believe that is partly the case. I believe the Bible lists out some specific gifts (pastors, teachers, evangelists, healing, miracles, etc) that the body of Christ is supposed to have. I think God embraces, in community, the unique things that each of us bring to the table. Without one of us bringing our unique gifts to the table, the whole body suffers.
I also think a life of prayer is definitely not a wasted life. Pray a lot, and you notice that you're not wasting your time. Things calm down. Everything gets a hair, or a lot, clearer. (I need to do this myself).
I noticed in Taco Bell today how conniving we all are. We realize that things should be one way, and then don't act on it. We think and act two different ways. How great would life be if there was just one way? If we lived out our convictions in each moment. It's a life not wishing things were different, a life of risks and enjoyment. It's an honest life. There it is.
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