7/6/09
This has been a special day. Really it started at 10:30 on sunday evening when Lizzies contractions started to come more and more frequent. Me, Lizzie Zach and Hope were under the impression that any minute we would be rushing to the hospital, we tried to keep ourselves busy with Catan, fill or bust, and even a dice version of shuffleboard we made up. Well it didnt happen as quickly as it seems and after a whole night of Lizzie having contractions every 4-10 minutes, at 6:00 am we decided to go to the hospital. Things never really got going enough to have a baby, but I will always remember this day. Today my wife screamed with pain every five minutes and I could do nothing but comfort her, she cried with a deep longing for results. We saw very little progress most of the day, and now Lizzie is in a drug induced sleep. I am laying in a couch typing this blog and every five minutes I put the computer down and I press one hand against Lizzies back and rub her cramping calf with my other, while she moans in pain. I cant seem to stop thinking that these drugs that promise pain relief and rest can not stop this pain that promises a miracle.
This pain in my back
Yesterday as I carried something up the stairs I felt a pain in my back. My body was telling me what I was carrying was to heavy. This is a new feeling to me,in my head I have always felt if I will myself to do something, my body will just do it. Yesterday that wasn't the case.
What if the responsibility of being a father that is slowly being placed on me is starting to weigh me down? I wonder if I wasn't going to be a father, would my back have hurt yesterday?
What if my back knew that soon it will be bending over and lifting a baby, and because my heart can't wait to lift up that little nashty boy*, my heart was telling my back to take it easy.
What if I'm just getting old?
Whatever the reason for the pain in my back. I wan't to believe that somehow subconsiously my body is preparing for fatherhood. I have this feeling that soon no matter what I do, my baby boy will be a big factor in my decisions. Maybe even my decision to lift heavy boxes.
But I felt the same way about being married, that somehow I would start to consider Lizzie in all my decisions. But thats not the case, I still make selfish decisions without regard for Lizzie.
I dont really know where I am going with this but it's almost as if a change is taking place in me and I can't really describe it just yet, but I can't wait.
*His name is gonna be Nash, and I'm gonna call him my little nashty boy.
What if the responsibility of being a father that is slowly being placed on me is starting to weigh me down? I wonder if I wasn't going to be a father, would my back have hurt yesterday?
What if my back knew that soon it will be bending over and lifting a baby, and because my heart can't wait to lift up that little nashty boy*, my heart was telling my back to take it easy.
What if I'm just getting old?
Whatever the reason for the pain in my back. I wan't to believe that somehow subconsiously my body is preparing for fatherhood. I have this feeling that soon no matter what I do, my baby boy will be a big factor in my decisions. Maybe even my decision to lift heavy boxes.
But I felt the same way about being married, that somehow I would start to consider Lizzie in all my decisions. But thats not the case, I still make selfish decisions without regard for Lizzie.
I dont really know where I am going with this but it's almost as if a change is taking place in me and I can't really describe it just yet, but I can't wait.
*His name is gonna be Nash, and I'm gonna call him my little nashty boy.
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