A Love Child

To those who have not heard, Lizzie and I are having a baby. At first it put us in decision mode. (to stay or go home) We talked much, I can't say we prayed much, but then again I don't think it's about how much you pray. I had a moment on the big hill out behind our house where I stood quiet and just whispered "God...God....God" not for a specific reason, I just joined with the wind and the trees in there constant praising of our Father. God has opened doors for us to stay.(thank you Father) He has provided us a roof, a vehicle, healthcare, food. I'm ashamed that I need to know that my needs are going to be met before I make a decision, but I pray someday that I will "let the dead bury there own" and just go. We are staying, for how long I couldn't say. We have a plan to go home in April, but I might not even wake up tomorrow so why do I make plans for it? Being a father sounds crazy. Being responsible for a life is a feeling I can't quite describe yet. I have ideas of how to raise a child, but what do I know. I plan out crazy schemes to teach them lessons along the way (not quite like arrested development). I wonder how a man who is as wretched as I am can teach a child to be better than I am. I realize that Christ makes us righteous,therefore no one is better than another, but I, in my humanity judge by outside actions. I wonder if as a father I have the right to judge my child, will I know my childs heart? Will I punish actions done out of love? Will I force my will on my child? Will I act out of a love that keeps no record of wrongs? Will I be patient? Will I be kind? I can only hope to show my child Love. Love that hopefully speaks of who God is.